“I didn’t have a reason to change before but thanks to Transform, now I do”
Things started getting tough when I was 16. I joined the army but didn’t stay long so when I was home my parents kept asking me what I was doing with my life. I started smoking weed and, when I turned 18, I’d go straight to the pub whenever I had any money.
Both my parents were drinkers, and I didn’t really get on with my dad, we would argue a lot. We’d end up having a fight or they’d tell me to leave and then they’d call the police. There’s been over twenty-seven arrests, over a period of years.
The final straw was after I got a job with a delivery company. My mum said: “promise me you won’t drink when you get paid”, but there wasn’t much to do where I lived so when some friends invited me to the pub, I went. I came home drunk, and dad told me I had to get out. That was December 2016.
I took everything I owned and found this place called the “All Night Café”. If you’re homeless, you could just rock up there and sleep on the floor. I went to the Council for help, and they found me a place to stay, but I moved a few times which was tough because I was getting further and further away from anyone I knew.
Things got heated, we got into a fight, and I ended up slashing his face with a knife so I got arrested for GBH and burglary.
The last place I stayed wasn’t great for a few reasons. Eventually they told me I had to leave the shared house but there was a bed for me at the night shelter. I didn’t really want to go there but I had no choice. They would kick us out in the morning and because there was nothing to do, I would just sit and drink in the park.
My mental health went downhill quickly when I was homeless – it was a downward spiral. I tried killing myself a few times – I didn’t want to die; I just wanted the craziness to stop.
I was running out of options. I’d been staying with a friend but that didn’t work out. I was banned from the All-Night Café and had no money, so I tried the Council again, but only managed to get back to where my parents lived. It was freezing cold and raining, so I walked to my parents’ house even though I hadn’t seen them for months.
There was no answer, so I hopped over the gate and climbed through the open back window – which was how I used to get in. My mum wasn’t there, but there was a bag full of alcohol, so I just stayed in the house drinking. My brother came home and found me. When I said I’d come to see mum, he told me she was dying. Things got heated, we got into a fight, and I ended up slashing his face with a knife so I got arrested for GBH and burglary.
I pled guilty and was sent to prison. I saw a forensic psychologist and he diagnosed me with antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder and ADHD – he also said that the alcohol and my circumstances had a huge part to play in that.
When I came out of prison, I didn’t think anywhere would take me in because of how serious my crime was. But the woman from probation arranged for me to have an assessment with Transform on the day I got out and few days later offered me a five-day ‘guesting period’.
The deputy manager Sally was really stern with me. She said any antisocial behaviour or drinking, and I’d be gone. I couldn’t believe I had a whole flat to myself. I didn’t think it would go well so I asked if I should bother unpacking, but she said: “Yeah, unpack your stuff.” Every day I came downstairs to do a breathalyser test and, when they said I could stay, it felt really good.
That was when things began to change for me. I realised that if they were going to trust me with a whole flat, I could manage to get sober. All that time spent staring out of my cell window thinking: “What am I going to do?”, well this is it now. Having people believe in me has definitely helped me stay away from alcohol.
My Transform keyworker Simon is brilliant, he’s got a great sense of humour and we’ve been through everything together. The support I get from Transform is more like guidance, they don’t just do everything for you. I thought I’d be useless at budgeting and paying bills because I used to spend all my money on drink, but they helped me budget; and now I’m really good at it. I even like saving money! I just got a job, which I didn’t think I’d ever have. I work in a charity shop and I haven’t been arrested in a long time. The goal now is to get a full-time job and live a normal life.
I had so many chaotic years but it’s not until you talk about it and realise – that was actually my life. When you’re running away from the police, people are shouting at you and you’re in the middle of court cases, it seems fairly normal. I didn’t have a reason to change before but thanks to Transform, now I do.